Religion, caste and region preferences still are an important part of forging matrimonial alliances in our country. Choice of religion, caste, region (RCR) in matrimony is as important as the choice of gender. Indians may not be comfortable with your LGBT partner, but we still exercise the right to pick the correct RCR in match-making. Believe it or not, it is more complex than 1:1 mapping, more like a socially accepted RCR match making matrix. This post doesn’t debate your matrimonial preferences. Neither do we want to challenge the holy matrix.
This post is about how the matrix is being used to good advantage these days to get out of an inconvenient relationship. There is a growing trend of getting involved in a committed relationship only to end it on “sorry but my parents won’t approve of this” note. Research (…yes, my own, highly confidential, deeply personal research) revealed that almost one in five couples end their relationship because
- the society won’t approve
- the boy belongs to the blacklisted religion
- the girl is from a different caste.
More often than not, women end their relationships when the pressure to get married mounts from family and they don’t have the courage to bring up the topic of a long term boyfriend. Women are confused about their identities- conservative daughters that they are brought up as or the independent modern women that they become after entering corporate. So they remain in the contemplative zone for a long time. They live the life of independent woman, enjoy small joys of love, drugs and sex. Only to go back home to be the nice daughter and get married to that fair skinned NRI who also happens to be from the RCR matrix! Voila! Secure future!
Forgotten are the days when love was precious and long video calls at the end of the day were imminent! Forgotten are the times when those three words were used at least ten times a day! Forgotten are the moments when promises of a happy life together with a puppy were exchanged. We need to empower women to say no to inconvenient relationships, to insecure financial future with the boyfriend, and to the boredom of a long relationship away from the social eye. It’s only fair to seek what you desire. If you see a better future with the NRI stranger from the corporate than the frugal boyfriend from college, then so be it. Who is to say what is good or bad for you. But this farce must end. We only bring disrepute to the holy RCR matrix by breaking up because- “our families won’t approve and even though I should have told you about this five years ago, you have been fun all along! Thank you! Goodbye!”
Love for pleasure, marry for convenience. A sensible system indeed!
– Margaret Mitchell
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